also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
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