did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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