Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
