Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
