you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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