I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
