your room smells of hookers.
And success
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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