i just wanna soil my oats bro
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
