Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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