So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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