Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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