don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize