"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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