Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I will be naked everywhere
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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