So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
