Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize