good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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