She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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