I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
