Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
