Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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