Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
