i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
