I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
