he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
