How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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