the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
