I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
