she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
