I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize