he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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