Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
