Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
