New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sorry about my life...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
