Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
