Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
