Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
