someone threw a dead crab at me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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