yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
