My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
