we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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