i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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