Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
