spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
