I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize