you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
