I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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