I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
