she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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