you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
