Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
