Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
