Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
