If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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