I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
