he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
