she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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