Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
