Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
