Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you had me at cake vodka
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
