i permit you to call me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
