I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
